In that moment, when activation happens like a north shore swell. When the adrenaline dump takes hold, I’m greeted by the familiar tightness in my chest, abyss in my stomach, hot flash up my neck. When existential threat is all I feel. I have. Control.

Control of the controllables. Of me. My interpretation. My breath. My choice to be small and my choice to take up space. My willingness to recognize my emotions as indicators of my assumptions. To see another’s behavior as their choice. To be more committed to renewal than avoidance. To compassionately deconstruct the argument. To patiently challenge. To change the rules of the game.

Control enough to drop a pebble into the pool of my soul and watch the ripples move out into the lives of others.

In that moment, when I’m changed, culture must follow.