I love saying “Yes!” for one reason. It teaches me to have a more powerful “No.”

With every “Yes” I gather more data about what gives me energy and what drains it. I get a little more clear about where I’m most effective, where I create value easily and effortlessly.

Each “Yes” is a PDSA cycle that refines my next “Yes,” until my yes becomes a gift I give myself and others, instead of a guilt-ridden cojoling of my inner child in service of a fragile sense of status and belonging that I have no say over.

The powerful “No” carves out space and preserves energy for sustained impact. A gentle “No” guards my soul from enmeshment and co-transference, creating a context of healthy empathy. A confident “No” is a declaration that clarifies values and redirects an entire culture.

“Yes” is like the electricity that flows through our nervous system. “No” is the myelin sheath that keeps the energy flowing.