Rebecca is keen on healthy relationship, multidimensional flourishing, and an integrated life.
The choices that generate reality
Stability may not be something we experience in the moment, but it is always a choice we make in the moment—a storm-tossed, afflicted moment—that shapes the future for ourselves and everyone in our circle of influence.
If context is primary (and it is), then the “right here, right now” embodied reality of our hope, our belief for the future, the shared vision of Shalom we co-create with our Savior and our community, is a way of being that the Holy Spirit uses to bend the arc of history in the direction of justice, reconciliation, and joy.
And the pain of the moment is poured out at the feet of the Father in dramatic fullness, like a river joining the ocean; treacherous, tortured, and transforming. From turmoil to release to a peace that surpasses understanding.
Fear is a thin veil, and stability is a choice long before it becomes a circumstantial reality.
No more business owners. We need believers. People who are willing to pursue a beautiful vision and co-create with their community.
A believer doesn’t set out to make money. Sure, mission needs margin, but how many decisions get made for the sake of margin and turn out to be a mask for mission-drift? If it’s worth committing to, is it worth re-committing to, moment by moment, day by day?
What is margin anyway? A Tesla and MacBook for every senior leader? Or is it a living wage and health benefits for every team member? Do fundraising events celebrate donors or the program participants?
Instead of a team that generates clever web content, how about a group of visionaries whose lives generate inspiring context?
If Higher Power is the teacher, and life is the classroom, then assignments are for seasons, not forever. The long-term vision may not change, but the way it’s lived out in our various assignments will take different forms. Constraints become features of the system, not bugs.
Do bridges get walked on? Perhaps. I said that to one of my first coaches and he admonished me for embracing a defeatist narrative. “For God’s sake, Rebecca. be a bridge and maintain your dignity!”
I suggested to a state level leader that a healthy group maintains permeable boundaries. Her eyes widened slightly, but not in amazement. They widened in shock, as if to say, “What the hell are you suggesting!?”
Perceiving an eco-system of institutions is easy; read a book or take a course. This isn’t where culture lives. Perceive instead those invisible but deeply felt power dynamics; the unspoken rules we only learn through cautious observation or by accidentally breaking. Truths that lie just beneath the surface, underneath org charts and job titles. This is the true eco-system. The deep structure.
The relational context.
We won’t find it in a book. It reveals itself when we physically move toward it the way we move to greet a friend. This movement gradually inches us away from the warm-cozy of established pathways, past the impermeable boundary of accepting what’s readily available, beyond the subtle resistance of “Wow, that seems like a lot of work.”
We see the deep structure while moving to places that are disparate and cut off. In the undiscovered place that persistently generates impact without loudly declaring itself. In the dusty corner that no one bothers to clean. In the upstream territory that the third friend went to explore, while the other two friends, watching her move, declared her a traitor.
When I attempt to see the healthcare ecosystem I perceive overlap and entanglement; a mind map of torturous intertwining; frustration-inducing polarities, competing commitments, conflicting desires, and wicked problems. In a word, I perceive complexity.
Where complexity exists, nuance is required.
May our desire to simplify never reduce us into simpletons.
Bored of business as usual. Afraid of change. Feeling stuck between the two. Discomfort isn’t the problem here. Giving myself permission to get comfortable with either boredom or fear; that’s the problem. Choose discomfort. The right kind of discomfort. Then lean into it in a life giving way.
Change is messy. Driving without a seat belt is dangerous. Experimenting with a new response to a bully can’t be worse than what it already is, so let’s go with messy.
Stepping into the street without looking both ways is dangerous. Brain surgery is dangerous. Weaving in and out of traffic at 80 miles an hour is dangerous. Those unspoken boundaries that stop me from making a move toward what I want might only exist inside my own head. Imaginary obstacles aren’t dangerous, and fear just feels messy.
I might not come back from dangerous, but I kinda like cleaning up messes. Especially the messes I make while building something beautiful.
High performance boils down to two things: responsibility and self-awareness. Since we can only exercise responsibility for the things we are conscious of, we begin with self-awareness.
Since the vast majority of our self lies just outside conscious awareness. We don’t rely on our prefrontal cortex to reveal ourselves to us. For that, we rely on the body.
The language of the body is sensation. Feeling. Every feeling has a corresponding emotion. Each emotion serves as an indicator that points to a belief, an assumption, and a core value.
But don’t get caught up in the underlying beliefs just yet. Start with the fluttery, flashes of heat, tension or balling up, sinking, lightness, bubbly feelings in your body. Just watch and listen with curiosity.
If that seems too woo-woo to be practical, then start by watching and listening to the high performers you admire most. The ones who are really living the life and doing the work. DM me if you think you find evidence that self-awareness is not the bedrock of their approach to everything.
In “The Body is the Brain,” neurobiologist Amanda Blake explains how our entire nervous system functions as a single whole, debunking the myth of separate parts existing in a clearly defined hierarchy with the brain ruling from on high, and the body taking an inferior, passive role.
The body serves two vital functions in relation to the mind: window and back door.
First, the body acts as a window into our unconscious thoughts—those subtle, preverbal impressions that stir in our gut are clues to deeply held beliefs. This is why I often discover what I truly think about something only after noticing what I feel about it. Feelings, those elegant physiological responses produced by emotions, are a fountain of information, constantly unearthing the many parts of ourselves. They’re a treasure trove of insight and self-awareness. If we’re willing to look and be curious.
Second, the body is a back door. When a moment of emotional activation catapults me into a destructive loop of angry or fearful thoughts, the direct approach requires herculean effort. The energy required to think our way out of such intense thought patterns typically exceeds our mental resources. Thankfully, we don’t have to think our way out. We can feel our way out by approaching it indirectly. Go for a walk, take a shower, do the dishes, or do heart-focused breathing (see the HeartMath Institute). Redirect the body first, then redirect thoughts. It’s easier, faster, and more effective than traditional cognitive approaches.
These two vital functions of the body—window and back door—are critical components of self-leadership and self-coaching; core competencies of transformational leadership. Cultivate skill in noticing and redirecting.
Transformational leaders concern themselves with data that points to underlying assumptions, beliefs, and values because they know their conclusions are shaped by their questions, and their questions are a byproduct of their perspective.
If the questions we’re asking are not producing the solutions we need, we must consider how our most deeply held beliefs are blinding us to the simple rules that govern our world.
When we are satisfied with the way things are, we can be content with a lack of self-awareness. Until then, we make data-informed decisions.
The goal of science is to replace visible complexity with invisible simplicity” – Jean Baptiste Perrin (Nobel Prize Winning Physicist)
The simple rules that explain what we experience are hiding in plain sight. We can learn to see it, but first we must to be willing to loosen our grip on what seems obvious.
Obvious is far too rooted in what we already know to be capable of creating new outcomes. Obvious is the thinking that created the situation we’re in.
Enter perspective-taking. It’s not just a tool for collaboration and stakeholder management. It’s a skill set for innovative problem-solving. Identify and challenge assumptions. Unearth unconscious bias and drag it into the light.
Exploring the edges is essential; discovering connections and adjacent relationships that open us to new lines of inquiry. This might look like a personal research project conducting a mapping review that informs a series of scoping reviews. It might be a year’s worth of ad hoc hallway conversations with a fellow change agent or a workplace book club. With purposeful agenda-setting and skilled facilitation, it could be our standing leadership meetings.
Start with questions like these:
“If we wanted to break this, what’s the fastest way to do it?”
“Which polarity are we dealing with? What complementary value could we incorporate?”
“Forget the workflow diagram; who wields the influence around here?”
“It’s impossible… unless?” (Dr. Alan Barnhard)
The action that leads to the greatest impact isn’t always the one we’re ready to take. Making time for questions is the kind of slow that builds momentum and gradually turns into fast.
Rigidity happens when my vision of efficiency fails to extend beyond my own workflow. When I neglect to consider how my outputs turn into someone else’s inputs, I become guilty of local optimization in a situation where global optimization is a far more effective pursuit.
Local optimization is a system killer. It slows the flow of information and misuses resources. It says, “I matter more than you.” It’s happening all the time in subtle ways—death by a thousand cuts.
Instead, we use micro experiments; tiny, informal PDSA’s. They’re part of a conscious process that involves collaboration and upfront communication. They generate useful information for global optimization.
A selfish decision probably isn’t conscious, but it certainly isn’t collaborative. The moment I make myself part of a team, I give up the freedom to be the sole owner of a workflow.
Rigidity happens when I confuse my method for my core values. When I forget that my favorite technique is made effective by a combination of underlying principles (that rarely shift) and an organizational context (that is constantly shifting).
For every set of principles, there are tens to hundreds of aligned methodologies.
The moment we say to ourselves, “Why isn’t this working?” is the moment we can be certain there’s an unidentified assumption hiding in our decision-making process.
I remember the day I first heard the words “emergent strategy.” I knew in my gut that I needed this skill, but I was sure I would suck at it. You see, I’m a recovering certainty addict; I like having answers. I’m pragmatic; if something isn’t applicable, then I can’t be bothered by it. What’s more, I’m a task-oriented doer; waiting patiently isn’t my strong suit. So, being thoughtful about what-ifs and cross-sector trend watching felt daunting because it wanted me to wait patiently for answers that might never come. No way! Anticipating change is the work of futurists and predictive data analysts. Right?
It turns out I was right about benefitting from patience, but I was dead wrong about this being the world of ivory tower experts.
Anticipating change is about watching the horizons of the worlds we’re closest to. It’s a form of navigation. Every navigator has a map, and map-making is just a little exploration. Exploration happens effortlessly when we get curious and venture a step or two toward the edge of our functional bubble. The edges of what we’re good at, what we know well, and who we know well.
RSS feeds are helpful, but single-topic-based news feeds only tell us about what’s right at our doorstep. This is no longer sufficient. We also need to see what just arrived in town and keep an eye on what the neighboring territories are cooking up.
Try this on:
What topic is top of mind when you think of your work function? Do you have it?
Now, what fields of study inform that topic? Got them?
Pick one of them, the one that seems to have the greatest opportunity for impact.
Now, move out one more degree of separation; which fields of study inform that high-impact topic? Pick the one that jumps out at you.
Who are the greatest minds in that field? Feel free to use a search engine to help you find them. Do they have books, a blog, or a podcast?
What do these great minds have to say about the state of the art?
We don’t have to be experts to explore our horizons, and if my family has anything to say about it, the patience we learn is well worth the effort.
In that moment, when activation happens like a north shore swell. When the adrenaline dump takes hold, I’m greeted by the familiar tightness in my chest, abyss in my stomach, hot flash up my neck. When existential threat is all I feel. I have. Control.
Control of the controllables. Of me. My interpretation. My breath. My choice to be small and my choice to take up space. My willingness to recognize my emotions as indicators of my assumptions. To see another’s behavior as their choice. To be more committed to renewal than avoidance. To compassionately deconstruct the argument. To patiently challenge. To change the rules of the game.
Control enough to drop a pebble into the pool of my soul and watch the ripples move out into the lives of others.
In that moment, when I’m changed, culture must follow.
Nursing is like a symphony. Its voice is distinct from all its contributing fields of study, not because it is a different instrument but because it brings them all together in a synergy; greater than the sum of its parts. Unlike the traditional understanding of a profession, which focuses entirely on mastering a single instrument, Nursing seeks to become competent in playing many instruments, composing a beautiful song, and conducting the instruments together in harmony. This is why it is so difficult to explain what nursing is.
But nursing isn’t the only smash-up.
Industrial/Organizational psychology emerged when social psychologists wanted to blend a number of other psychological approaches and apply them to the workplace environment. A clinical psychologist friend of mind does not recognize I/O psychology as a legitimate branch of psychology.
Implementation science formed slowly over decades as a multidisciplinary group of helping professionals realized they were all working on similar problems. This gritty band of scholar-practitioners refused to accept that healthcare was doomed to be 17 years behind the current research. As they work to grow their body of knowledge, training programs are springing up all over the country.
Social work and public health are interdisciplinary professions that arose as unique solutions to a changing socioeconomic landscape.
The nursing profession took shape as a response to society’s need for a bridge between the laboratory and the real world, which demands relationally responsive, highly contextualized application of technical skills. A result that is only possible from a creator who belongs to many worlds and speaks many languages.
Nurses have traveled to many sciences and humanities, lived among the people there, learned to speak their languages and see the world through their eyes. Now, we facilitate music between them, influence the melody toward equity, sustainability, safety, and quality, and connect our communities to the song.
Nurses are not distinct from other health disciplines because we are a singular and separate voice. We are distinct because we embody parts of all of them.
We tend to talk about purpose as though it is something we have to find. Out there. A particular thing we do. That’s a seductive story to tell; it has the hero’s journey written all over it. Who doesn’t love a meaningful quest? The problem is that this kind of storytelling unwittingly sets us up for unnecessary disappointment.
If finding purpose is about getting (and keeping) that perfect job, then we’re screwed because restructuring happens: it’s the cancer diagnosis, the divorce, an emerging obligation to aging parents, or maybe your department gets outsourced and you’re suddenly working for a new employer, the list of uncontrollable curve balls goes on.
If my sense of purpose is tied to a particular job, then I’m giving a lot of power to someone else to determine the degree of meaning and fulfillment I experience. But I’m a big girl. I know my response to circumstances has tremendous power to shape my life. So what of it?
What if we don’t find purpose in the thing we do? What if we bring purpose with us in the way we do the thing?
What if my purpose wove its way into whatever job I have, through whatever circumstance I happen to find myself? What could I do right now with the resources I currently have that perfectly aligns with my beliefs and values?
I was waiting for my drink at the Starbucks counter of a local hospital when I overheard a conversation between two nurses. They discussed relationship woes and blamed their experiences on the curse of empathy. Apparently, they considered it their professional duty to take responsibility for the destructive choices of another because they were empaths; they felt everything too strongly; what choice did they have?
That’s when it hit me: empathy gets confused with enmeshment, a dysfunctional internalization of another person’s beliefs and feelings that dismantles healthy boundaries in a relationship and leads to identity confusion and codependency.
In the counseling and psychotherapy professions, enmeshment is diligently guarded against and regarded as a mark of unethical and unprofessional practice. You might hear a licensed counselor speak about it in terms of transference and counter-transference, our universal tendency to project our feelings onto another person and believe that we know how they feel.
Nurses are helping professionals; engaging with strong emotions is part of our job too.
Humans are capable of detecting the emotional state of others; the brain is hard-wired for experiential connection with other humans. But unless I’m practiced in recognizing emotions as additional information and adept at maintaining awareness of how my emotional state is influenced by the environment, then it’s all too easy to regard an empathetic response as an indicator of my own self-concept, “I’m feeling this; therefore, it’s a part of who I am. This feeling is part of my identity.”
While I have every right to regard the emotions stimulated by my own assumptions, beliefs, and values as an indicator of my identity (an indicator, not the whole truth of it), I must also stand sentinel watch on my human tendency to internalize the feelings of others. Especially as a helping professional.
Empathy supports healthy connection and effective interpersonal communication. Enmeshment destroys healthy relationship and takes the entire organizational culture down with it.
Both/And. My Emotional Intelligence (EQ) isn’t just for me. It’s also for my team members. When my EQ improves, I get the remarkable benefits of a recalibrated nervous system and the mental margin to reinterpret my experiences. I want that for myself.
But if my understanding of EQ only tells a story about the benefits to me, then I will never contribute to culture improvement.
Yes, I cultivate EQ for my own immediate benefit. Then, I use it to create an environment for my coworkers that brings their EQ into professional dialogue so that our collaborative decision-making includes all the necessary information.
Yes, emotions are necessary information because emotions shape interpretation and decision-making
Person 1: “Let’s take a moment to check in. I accept that this situation needs an immediate response, but I’m anxious about the impact it’s going to have on my workflow.”
Person 2: “I’m committed to being helpful, but I’m also feeling angry right now; I’d rather go punch my locker than go back into that room.”
Person 1: “No problem. How can I support you? I can ask Natasha to be my second.”
Person 2: “I want to do it. Can you give me 5 minutes to process this adrenaline dump? I’ll meet you outside the room.”
Person 1: I’ll update the Charge Nurse and see if she could give my patient in 432 his lisinopril. See you in 5.
EQ isn’t just a useful tool for individuals. It’s a way of doing work as a team.
In this dialogue, both parties know the fastest way to an effective solution is to begin with a more centered emotional state⏤a reset neurological system. We accomplish this through non-judgemental identification and acknowledgment of the primary emotions involved.
Not everyone is ready for this. We still have people in healthcare who are unwilling to engage in cultivating their own EQ. Which is why the conversation still centers on using EQ for individual benefit.
Find one ally. Make an agreement about how you will weave EQ into your collaboration. As you get better at it, bring another coworker into your circle.
If we wait until everyone is ready for collaborative EQ, culture shift will take much longer. There is no better way to convince an EQ skeptic about EQ utility than to create a professional EQ Circle.
Culture-fit goes both ways, and you are a valuable asset. What if you made your next career move based on which organization or department best aligned with you? Your goals. Your values. Your ideal working environment.
We do ourselves a disservice when we engage with an organization as though it holds all the cards. The organization is far better served by contributors and leaders who take responsibility for their own careers.
So how do you take responsibility for finding your own culture fit? Here’s a hint: It’s not another training course. It’s the informational interview (AKA: Non-sales-oriented Networking). Identify people you want to learn from and see if they’d be willing to schedule 30-60 minutes with you. Make it clear you are not seeking a favor but simply want to learn from them.
Ask about how they got to where they are today, their wins, their challenges, and perhaps a day in their life. Informational interviews are fun, surprisingly beneficial, and a little addictive.
Roughly 85% of jobs are found through networking. But it goes way beyond jobs. Stretch assignment opportunities, mentors and allies, invaluable bits of wisdom, and insider knowledge come through relationships (i.e., networking).
Your best career move may not be a move at all. It’s probably a connection.
She was taking the bullet. It didn’t matter the consequences. This was a hill she was willing to die on. Until that tiny piece of additional data snuck into the conversation and shifted her entire perspective. She almost lost her reputation and the trust of her colleagues, forgetting that complexity involves a funny little thing: concatenation. Weird word. Cool concept. Can we dive into theory for just a moment? Then we’ll get practical.
Concatenation is an idea from language theory, and is also used in computer science for program development. It means “linking together in a chain,” acknowledging that the stuff arriving later modifies the meaning of all the stuff that came before. I can say “Hello,” or I can say “New York.” and despite the richness of meaning each of these carry by themselves, when I say, “Hello New York,” a new meaning is produced.
It’s a time-bound concept that models communication as a string of data, instead of a web. Highlighting that aspect of life that is experienced as a sequence of events. Drawing our attention to the cognitive process of meaning-making.
Reality may be multidimensional, a web, but my experience of that web is still time-bound and therefore sequential.
So, the only decisions I have the right to turn into a hill that I’m willing to die on, are the one’s that I’ve truly explored and investigated. The only decisions that I get to make intuitively are the ones that are shaped by years of experience. Everything else is a beautiful opportunity for humility.
I can get cynical about “outcomes.” That word gets attached to so many different targets that it’s hard to keep track of what we’re actually talking about. That’s a challenge for leadership because it diminishes clarity. Decision-making for impact demands focus.
We don’t control outcomes. Any more than we control complexity. Too many inputs from too many microsystems. Nobody controls the wind or the waves. They harness it. We create conditions that honor it and move with it; if we’re clever, we convert it into energy.
Then the problem becomes anything that prevents the movement from happening.
Constraints.
Constraints are a powerful way to engage in decision-making because it puts our focus on the conditions that support a desired outcome. Not on the outcome itself. It’s the internal game of tennis for complexity management.
It can feel counterintuitive, but only if we come from a slow-rate-of-change, stable-environment perspective.
Look again from an emergent strategy, fast-rate-of-change perspective. Focus on the flow of information; where’s that flow getting bound up?
“Context is primary.” It’s not an axiom limited to grammar. We know this, intellectually. I can say the same sentence in three different tones of voice or the same sentence in the same tone of voice with three different body postures and communicate vastly different messages with each combination. That’s to say nothing of the reaction evoked in my conversation partner.
Acronyms for communication tools are a nice technique, and when relationship becomes a technique we can be content to check the box for that online training module. Since a relationship (i.e., culture) also involves a felt experience with another person (I.e., emotion), we get to wonder how our emotional state contributes to the context.
Whatever it is you want, be reckless to give. Do you want to belong? Give belonging. Do you want equity? Generously create equity. Do you long for a day when the healthcare industry prioritizes environmental sustainability with the fervor it pursues safety? Let every clinical decision you make be shaped by an ethic of stewardship.
Action flows from a way of seeing, believing, and making sense of the world. Culture is our collective doing and being together. There is only one person on the planet with the authority to be and do for you.
“Be” together. Play with the work of becoming. The tipping point is imminent.
Facilitating change begins with vision and proceeds with acceptance. Reaching and rooted.
I must see the possibility so clearly that I feel it in my body so that everything about me is dripping with hope. And be so connected to the reality of right now that someone watching from the outside might accuse me of being too pragmatic. That’s their mistake… and our challenge; existing in two worlds at the exact same time; the already and not yet.
This is transformational leadership: When our hearts and hands are so intertwined that we can’t be certain where one ends and the other begins. A dance of the possible and the actual. Which one is leading and which one is following? We can’t tell.
I can want anything, for myself. I am the only one on the planet with the authority to decide what I want and choose to pursue it. I alone have that power.
I have no right to exercise that same commitment for someone else. My contribution to the well-being of others comes in the form of context, of creating conditions in the relationship (i.e., culture) that supports their vertical development and emotional maturity.
Do I regard them as capable? As powerful?
Or do I believe my presence in their life is a magical key that unlocks their future for them?
Do they “need” me? Or does our community need them to function at their highest potential?
One of these perspectives is the way of a coach, the other is the way of the rescuer. One supports healthy relationships (culture). The other produces resentment and fuels drama.
Compromise is a valuable form of conflict resolution, and it’s frequently mistaken for collaboration. True collaboration is a win-win: an innovative smash-up of all the stuff that’s most important to everyone.
Compromise is a lose-lose. It means we live with the assumption that it’s going to be hard, that we’re going to have to sacrifice, but that’s okay because the other side won’t be happy about the outcome either. We live with it because getting something is better than nothing.
Is it, though? What if we expected to find an innovative combination? What if we expected to work a little harder and leave with something brilliant?
The next time someone tells you that collaboration is going to require you to sacrifice something important to you, politely inform them that they’re mistaken. We get what we expect.
At the very least, compromise with your eyes wide open and call it what it is.
The actual and the possible. We tend to focus on one or the other, inadvertently creating a zero-sum game that leaves us exactly where we started. No progress on the one hand. No traction on the other. Both equally stuck.
Are you a visionary feeling stuck? What’s right in front of you that you’re not willing to deal with? Which uncomfortable reality (realities) are you conveniently avoiding? If you can’t make your vision practical then there’s something you’re not being completely honest about.
Are you the brilliant tactician who can’t find your way out of the mess? What are the benefits of rescuing? When did you decide to cut yourself out of your own dreams? If you can’t find an internal spark that lifts you above the burnout, then you’ve probably given your power away somehow.
Like a car in the mud getting pulled out by a someone with a tow line, getting unstuck requires an experience of tension. Allowing ourselves to feel pulled or pushed is the only way to progress.
Go slow. Because the results we want aren’t produced by something that’s easily measured. Not at first anyway. The measurable results come, but they come later. First we have to be the kind of person that the kind of person we want to to work with, wants to work with. Patient, thoughtful, mindful, considerate, gentle.
It’s a heart rate and a blood pressure just moments before it becomes a rate of speech and a furrowed brow leaning forward. So, if we can bring ourselves to call it neuroscience and acknowledge that it’s something embedded in our neurology, can we go a small step further and call it what it really is?
Energy. If you can feel it in your body, then the people around you can feel it, too.
Be slow. It’s the fastest way to all the things we want to measure.
Physical Therapists seem obsessed with pain. They take us to the edge of it and ask us to spend time there. They’re always looking for the place where pain begins, never pushing completely past it, but purposefully, gently circling into it. Moving just to the edge, then backing off, over and over.
Recovering range of motion is tricky business. The process requires us to adopt a new relationship to pain.
Slowly over time, if we give ourselves to the process, capacity expands and we are reinvented.
It’s an out-dated notion that pain is to be avoided at all costs. Pain is the boundary of what currently is, but not necessarily the end of what could be. Time will tell, but time is useless without a willingness to approach the edge.
Please don’t conflate workplace engagement for workplace wellbeing. I can jump through hoops and get rewarded for a job done to organizational specification and still go to bed that night wondering what I’m doing with my life.
The rat in a maze will tap the lever to get a short-term win without ever finding its way to true nourishment. Even though the healthcare system is a maze, we’re not rats. A strategic tapping of the lever doesn’t prevent us from noticing the difference between reward and purpose.
And the system may be dysfunctional, but it’s not a conspiracy. It’s up to us to take the work that exists and create a purpose from it.
I’m a control freak. One that differentiates between happiness and joy. Happiness is entirely situational. It comes and goes with the circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is a product of my internal narrative. A result of the meaning I give to my circumstances. One of these I have absolutely no control over. The other I have complete control over.
As a confirmed and unashamed controlled freak, I know precisely which one I’m giving my time and energy to.
Pain is additional data, not the whole story. We could say, “I can’t move forward because it hurts too badly.” Or we could say, “I wonder what this pain is teaching me about how to move forward?”
Pain teaches us the under, over, and through of maneuvering. So we listen, and we embrace. Neither avoiding nor obsessing.
Gather all the available data, make an evidence-based decision, and keep moving.
All change is loss. So don’t ask me to let go if there isn’t something to reach towards. How can I let go of something so meaningful if I’m not clear of what I’m moving towards, how can you ask me to do that?
Or worse, how can I expect someone else to create that meaning for me? Why would I give that power away?
If I can’t avoid the chronic grief and emotional exhaustion that constant change brings, the very least I can do is make it all mean something that revitalizes me.
Pain points are pure gold. For entrepreneurs, CEOs, content creators, and anyone seeking to sell a widget: Find the pain. Develop a plan to stop the pain. Then full speed ahead to rapid-prototyping your way to a minimum viable product.
Because that’s the ticket. The solution. To the problem.
Which is fine for infomercials. Fine for problems that are isolated to a specific time and place. Those kinds of problems are everywhere, so more power to you.
But that’s a horrible way to approach problem solving for organizations.
Organizations are, by nature, highly integrated things. Nothing about them exists in isolation. The pain you experience in one department has connections to problems (or solutions) that exist in another department, another team, or a person.
If we find one problem and focus all our attention there, we don’t solve anything. In fact, our “solution” will only create more pain for someone else. Exhibit A: The holy grail IT upgrade that breaks the accounting department. Yikes!
In an organizational context, a single pain point functions like a synapse in a neural network. It’s just a smaller, integrated piece of a much larger series of events. Niching down too quickly blinds us to the context that the problem stems from.
Instead of looking for the pain, follow it. Follow that pain wherever it takes you. Discover all the things it’s connected to. All the people, the processes, and policies. Discover all the solutions that have already been tried. Map it out. Invite others to look at that map with you.
Instead of regarding pain as the pathway to specificity, use pain as a pathway to a broader perspective.
Focus on perspective. Explore the edges and all the meaningful connections. Do it in conversation with others.
I’ve spent most of my life looking for the rules. I grew up in an environment where I wasn’t given any guidance at all and came into adulthood desperately seeking a set of parameters. Just looking for somebody to tell me how to play the game.
I could see others experiencing success. But what boggled me was that when I tried to copy them, I would get different results and just end up more confused and frustrated.
Then I got angry. I experienced my first coaching conversation, and I learned that there really are no rules. I got seething rageful over this idea because I could not comprehend a world without a black-and-white, well-worn path to follow. If this were true it meant that most of my life was built on sinking sand. I still get uncomfortable thinking about it.
But what I came to understand is that the life we experience, the success and failure, isn’t really about the stuff we do. What we do is important, but it’s not the most important. What it comes down to is the way we would do the stuff.
You see, when I copied people, I would dutifully check the box and mimic everything they did, but I wasn’t moving with the same attitude. I wasn’t showing up with the same set of intentions and purpose. My mood was different. So, obviously, the people that I interacted with received what I did differently. They responded to me differently, and I got completely different results. Same exact stuff. Different way of doing it.
This is what’s meant by beingness. If all the stuff we do is coming from a primary desire for efficiency, status, or “hitting the metrics,” then it isn’t flowing from a primary desire for mutual benefit and unconditional positive regard. Others will feel it, and they will resist us.
So, if your results are off and you know that your technique is best practice, go deep. Pull back some layers and consider, what am I really wanting here? How am I showing up? Who am I being?
Can you get yourself to “maybe”? There are so few solid No’s in this life. If you can sense that there’s some part of you that wants it, and going after it doesn’t take you out of integrity, then what’s standing in your way?
“Maybe” isn’t a commitment. It’s barely even a vision for a possible future. It’s just an open question. A hypothesis for a mixed-method research study.
Have you ever caught yourself speaking about your own experience and starting every sentence with the word “You”? “So, you know when you… and then you think…”
Next time, try beginning your sentences with the word “I” “I experience…” “I want…” “It’s my assessment that…”
Notice how much more visceral this feels. How raw and vulnerable. How honest and powerful.
Notice that it puts you deep into your own body and evokes awareness.
Now, invite your conversation partner to share something with you in the same way. Notice the connection you experience.
Kairos. Time seems to stop. A moment stretches out. My awareness of the tumult around me softens and centers itself on the thoughts that transported me into this delicious experience. What must I do to live in these moments?
Giving ourselves over to appreciation for something given to us. There are no words. Only deep knowing, and my breath deepens in response. I slow, then the world slows, and for a moment, all I know is joy.
When we take the complexity of everything coming at us and try to squeeze into a box of “right and wrong” we don’t solve anything, we just move ourselves toward the cognitive distortion of polarized thinking.
In this time-lagged world there is rarely a “right”. More often it’s a, “this is the best we got right now”
There’s no shame in making your next move with “the best we got right now.” Just make sure to build in a little margin for the unintended consequences that will most certainly ripple out.
Intuition is pre-verbal pattern recognition. Lessons learned through experience, etched deep into your unconscious memory, spring up as a feeling in your chest or your gut every time you catch a whiff of something in your environment that sets off an early detection system. For good or for warning.
That’s why you can trust your intuition. That’s why you can trust yourself. Find the words for what you’re feeling later. For now, stop and listen. You’re trying to tell yourself something.
There is no blueprint. No map. Only a direction to move in. Between you and your vision is a dense forest and tall mountains that offer no path. Yet your vision for human flourishing is extending an invitation.
Feeling around in the dark is hard work, and the constant whispers of failure knot-up your stomach like an existential threat. The week-long training session you just completed gave you frameworks for budget management and crucial conversations but didn’t do anything to help you identify what’s really holding you back. Stuck isn’t a data set. It’s a relationship. A relationship with yourself. Which means only relationship can get you unstuck.
“Culture is not something that is passively inherited; it is actively created by people in their everyday interactions.”
The only way to truly understand an organism (the professional, the profession, the organization) is to see it as an extension of the environment it exists within. I can look inside myself for hours, and learn more about myself from 5 minutes interaction with another human being.
At every level of human interaction – interpersonal, group, community, institution – we are engaging in collective identity formation. This holds true for prefessions just as it does for individuals.
Professions only exist as reflections of the society that gives birth to them. Shaped by every cultural force that populates the ecosystem they inhabit.
Perhaps the most significant conversation we can have about professional identity formation is the one that spans the gap between professions and seeks to the insight that only comes through someone else’s eyes.
If you’ve ever had an energizing conversation that left you feeling encouraged, motivated, a little more in touch with your best self, I’d like to suggest that you didn’t have a one-off, isolated experience, you tasted a possible future.
Our minds are relentlessly tied the available data: 11 bits of data per second taken in through our senses, our past experiences stored deep in our neurology. The human imagination only works with the material it’s been given. If there’s something your wildest dreams can smash together to create a picture of an ideal future, then it is, by definition, possible.
If that revitalizing conversation can happen once, then it’s possible that it can happen again. If it can happen twice, now we’re delightfully close to a pattern, and that’s something we can model.
Nothing short of our own imaginations is stopping us from creating conditions that grow these encounters in the soil of our present reality. All we need are leaders, with or without a title, to plant the seeds of their own choices.
Despite healthcare’s emphasis on “having the right answer,” we rarely discuss what it takes to get the answer. Is the textbook and the expert really the magic portal to all knowledge? Where did that textbook come from? How did the venerated Ph.D. become a fount of knowledge?
Every answer begins as a question. That beautiful butterfly of a synthesized framework started life as an unassuming caterpillar of a question. Someone, somewhere, asked a question that burned inside their soul and sent them on a hero’s journey to find, something.
We can hold the textbook up as a symbol of completion, a mission accomplished. Or we can regard it as proof that the hero’s journey is an invitation extended to all of us.
Catch yourself being curious today. What questions are drifting through your mind? Is there one particular question that promises to take you on a journey and leave you on your death bed with no regrets?
Wicked problems aren’t really problems at all. They’re polarities, also known as paradoxes. These are pairs of seemingly unrelated values or qualities that, over time, turn out to be interdependent. There are nuances to polarities, but many can be considered a variation on one of the following themes:
Optimistic and realistic
Activity and rest
Change and stability
Freedom and responsibility
Candour and diplomacy
In situations marked by complexity, we frequently find ourselves in a deadlock debate, each side fiercely advocating for its position. When we notice that both sides have really good points and seem to be speaking from a place of wisdom and virtue, we can be confident that we are dealing with polarities.
In an environment ruled by constant crisis, it’s easy to let crisis management become our reason for being. Immediate needs demand resources that pull at the threads of long-term planning and keep us constantly focused on the urgent while truly important matters are continually put off.
While a focus on crisis requires agility, when our attention turns towards strategic planning in service of a grand vision, we begin operating with an eye towards stability and steady progress. These are two entirely different ways of managing and leading. Our best attempts to address both can leave us feeling tossed back and forth inside an impossible balancing act.
When we find ourselves stuck on a cycle of opposing and often competitive demands, fixing problems that refuse to stay fixed, what we frequently have is not a problem at all but a polarity (Johnson, 1976; Polarity Partnerships).
Polarities are interdependent forces, both equally good and right but complete opposites. The “problems” a polarity creates are not meant to be solved or fixed. They’re meant to be managed. There is a natural ebb and flow within a polarity, just like breathing or the seasons. Our job is to understand the positives and the negatives so that we can be intentional to take actions that maximize the one while minmizing the other.
The smart leader acknowledges the dynamic tension that exists within a polarity and seeks to work with it.
When I focus on problems I tell myself a story about all the reasons I can’t do something. My energy decreases. Tension mounts. I feel it in my throat, chest and gut. I don’t problem-solve. I problem-fixate. Crafting solutions from this place inevitably brings me back to the same place I started.
Focusing on outcomes evokes a completely different quality. Now the story is about how I can use my available resources to move toward the vision. Tension transforms to motivation.
Problems don’t go away, but they don’t loom as large. Instead, I feel more expansive. As though the vision in my heart is moving through me.
University-based schools of nursing are the beating heart of professional identity in nursing. It is in the academic setting that nurses are free to set their own course, explore the edges and intersections of our interdisciplinary theories, and sit with complex questions.
Industry-based nursing practice is the lifeblood of professional identity in nursing. Without an intimate connection to real-world problems, we are doomed to irrelevance. Out of touch with the communities we’ve promised to serve.
Enter the scholar-practitioner.
When the ivory tower rolls up its sleeves and steps onto the frontlines. When the frontlines define a question and begin collecting data. When these two meet somewhere in the middle and join themselves at the hip. Working as one. Shared vision. Shared resources. Crafting together.
I had to go back 10 seconds and watch that clip again. My jaw dropped. Did this Ph.D. instructor really just say, “… you should feel shame…”?
The context was a discussion about the use of AI in the university setting. A thing far too new for the average person to have any idea about how it works, let alone how to use it ethically.
Apparently, this professor believed that our feeling around in the dark in search of boundaries warranted a reason to feel shame.
In response to the questions swirling around about the responsible and ethical use of AI, concerns about intellectual honesty rightly abound. But when we begin packaging our concern with shame, we effectively remove joy from learning and replace it with fear.
I observed a group of nursing students take part in a discussion about the use of AI. Their response was eye-opening. The fear in their voices bordered on anger as they rose up in unison against even the mention of it. They were terrified of AI. Not curious. Not willing. Terrified. And not because they were incapable of being open to change, but because their University made them sign a contact that forbade their use of it.
Instead of being offered guidance and training, these students were handed a carte functional on one of the most powerful tools to make itself available for public use since electricity.
What can we say about the future of the nursing profession when the future that is currently taking shape is one that we decline to participate in?
Nurses are leaders. For everyone’s benefit, we should be at the forefront of AI’s adoption, guiding our peers with an ethic of optimism, not fear. An ethic of joy in learning, not shame.
Interested in learning more? For a spacious and thought-provoking discussion on the topic, please visit Emory University’s Conversations from the Edge, Can Bots Replace Nursing: Nursing in the Digital Age.
I just had a great conversation with a good friend, Melanie. She’s a publishing colleague. We were talking about generative AI and how it can be used as support instead of a crutch or replacement.
“It’s a tool, Rebecca. Just a tool.”
“Right! Like a graphing calculator linked to a gigantic database that we can talk to.”
If the next thing Melanie says is something profoundly representative of a truth that can guide my understanding of a useful topic, and I want to use that statement verbatim or paraphrased, I get to reference Melanie as the source. But the moment Melanie’s statement catalyzes my creative thinking, and my brain starts perceiving new connections, and I produce an idea that adds to the conversation, I now have original content the belongs to me. Melanie’s previous statement “added” to my thinking without generating the idea for me.
Results from a Generative AI inquiry are not consistent and reproducible. I could tell you exactly how I fine-tuned my bot and give you the exact wording and sequence of my prompts, and because of the learning nature of Large Language Models, your attempt to reproduce my results would yield a different outcome.
In any conversation, human or bot, the way I engage with my conversation partner shapes how they respond. The information I lead with (fine-tuning), or the questions I ask and the way I ask them (prompt building), layer on top of each other to dynamic effect.
Here’s the real question: Where did the content come from? Our willingness to disclose responsibly is key, but so is our willingness to trust each other to follow the guidelines we put in place. And both of these mean we have to understand how the tool works and how to engage with it. To be part of this conversation, we have to be willing to learn the language.
A conversation with a machine will never replace a dinner party or panel discussion. But I also know that no one wants to be up with me at 2 am exploring the relationship between adult development theory, ontological philosophy, and professional identity formation. Claude, SciSummary, or Elicit may not be great at much, but it’s enough to be useful. I’ll take what I can get and seek to benefit from it.
I looked and looked, but only found 3 primary reasons why Nursing is NOT considered a STEM profession. None of them make sense.
Nursing is more about caring, a humanities-based pursuit, and less about science: Nurses are experts at taking hard scientific realities and making them accessible to the public. It’s why we’re the most trusted profession in the nation. But being good with people doesn’t mean we’re not basing every decision on irrefutable data. When was the last time a computer programmer wove together knowledge from microbiology, anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, and social psychology, all in the span of 15 minutes while executing multiple clinical decisions? Nurses do. Every day.
Nursing is an applied science, not a physical science: Every STEM profession is busy applying previously generated knowledge. Nursing, like other STEM professions, also has a portion of its membership that engages in empirical research. Not every computer programmer, I/O psychologist, or medical doctor is active in research. Nurses who serve in academia or large health systems are utilizing rigorous quantitative research, alongside other useful methods, to open up new possibilities for achieving greater health and well-being in our communities. See the article linked below to learn more.
Nursing isn’t innovative. STEM is about innovation and disruption: Innovation is our middle name. We demonstrate it through our contributions to health science, data science, and the emerging field of Implementation Science. Meanwhile, the dysfunctional micro-systems within the American Healthcare System are disrupted daily by nurses who step in with evidence-based interventions to save lives and maintain safety.
And we’re doing all this without the support of STEM programming or STEM funding. Imagine what nurses could do with the resources the work warrants.
Imagine the health and wellness our nation deserves.
Always another pathway. Always another choice, even if the only available choice is hope over despair. That dead end is just a breakthrough in the making.
Like a toddler learning to walk. Like a martial artist learning a basic form. All skill building starts as big and general, then gradually becomes refined and nuanced. Embrace awkward because it’s the only path to effective.
Cultural angiogenesis: Honor the established pathway when its original intention is a noble goal. Acknowledge all barriers. Accept that removing the barriers may require more resources than we currently have. Surrender to trailblazing: Create trails around the barriers.
Bullying tells a dehumanizing lie about control and worth. Whether it’s overt and easily identified or subtle and hard to put your finger on, any power wielded to undermine and disempower is inflicting moral injury and will only wither in the face of moral courage. Fight fire with water.
Well done! You showed up today and did the next right thing. If you were looking for a high-impact activity that makes a real difference and is worthy of your time and energy, it looks like you’ve found it.
We can tell when someone is talking just because they’re afraid of not adding value. But an honest “I don’t know,” can activate collaborative solution-crafting in ways that are hard to predict and easy to experiment with. If that isn’t a value-add, then let’s schedule a working lunch and revisit the metrics.
I got off on the wrong floor. Hopefully, nobody noticed. I hit the button to summon the elevator back to me. Standing in the lobby feeling confused and embarrassed, it wasn’t long before I noticed a small boy sitting on the opposite side of the room.
“Hi! Will you be my friend?” From 25 feet away, I could l feel his eyes beaming like they were 2 inches in front of me. His question transformed a mindless mistake into a divine encounter. Laying aside clumsy self-consciousness, I chose to meet him in his courage and play the game we were put on this earth to enjoy.
Bullies only exist within the Dreaded Drama Triangle (Karpman, 1968), that colluding, dysfunctional dynamic that joins a rescuer, a victim, and a persecutor into a codependent dance. A therapist colleague of mine told me that 90% of relationships in the United States are considered dysfunctional. She referenced the Drama Triangle to describe the types of issues she frequently works with.
When we participate in the drama triangle (and we all do), we tend to settle into one role. Perhaps we play around with a second, then morph into the third later in life. But we can move around all three as the situation allows.
When we play the role of persecutor, we need a victim to punish for our insecurity and a rescuer to blame for the status quo. When we’re in the rescuer role, we look for a victim to make us feel needed and a persecutor to make us feel virtuous. When we’re playing the victim, we look for a rescuer to take responsibility for all our choices and a persecutor to blame for all our problems. Around and round we go.
A bully counts on their target being stuck in the drama triangle. That’s the only way the game works. The second we step out of the drama and start playing the game by different rules, the bully has no recourse.
Where else is there to go? What rules do we play by if we’re done with drama? We move over to The Empowerment Dynamic (Emerald & Zajonc, 2005). The empowerment dynamic flips the drama triangle on its head. The rescuer becomes Coach. Persecutor becomes humble Challenger. The Victim becomes a Creator.
What could this look like in real life? How might we respond to a bully when we are firmly rooted in the empowerment dynamic?
The coach engages the bully with flat-affect questions, demonstrating the ability to remain present and regain the upper hand. Don’t allow your rescuer tendencies to lead you into exploitation.
What are you getting at?
Why is that important to you?
Your point?
The challenger holds to their convictions. Don’t be manipulated into playing the bully’s game by fighting fire with fire. Douse the fire with water by declaring your version of reality with quiet confidence.
That’s not funny.
I’ve heard enough.
You’re not getting away with that here.
There you go again. Putting people down so you can feel good about yourself. I don’t appreciate it.
The creator brings a disarming wit by making statements in the form of a question or playing along with the insult with a twinkle in their eye. Don’t let your habit of going-along-to-get-along force you down a road you don’t actually want to be on.
Having a bad day?
Where did I lose you?
Really?
Is that the best you can do?
No more melting passivity. No more silent, stewing martyr. No more table-flipping rage. Just centered, unshakable, culture-changing confidence.
For more about dismantling workplace incivility and reclaiming your dignity, check out the bestsellers on Amazon. Maybe start with this one. Reputable learning resources are everywhere. But the ability to shift to empowerment? That’s yours already.
Bullying is a question. With every insult, patronizing comment, undermining accusation, and inappropriate request, the bully is asking questions about power, boundaries, respect, and value.
Even though there is much to say about the bully’s woundedness and insecurity, the impact of a bully is too destructive to empower it through passivity or defensiveness. When we allow a bully to set the tone for a relationship, we must acknowledge that we’re also allowing it to take root in the culture.
The bully’s questions can be answered through passive acquiescence, defensiveness, or confident stability.
How we answer the bully’s question tells a story about who we believe we are.
How I answer the bully’s questions loudly declares who I believe I am.
Nothing complicates a core value faster than a competing commitment. The fear that gets in the way of hope. Kegan and Lahey describe it as “… having one foot on the gas and one foot on the break…”
Identifying core values is the first step. But if you know your core values and still struggle to center your life around them, then perhaps what’s needed is some quality time spent identifying and dismantling the big, hidden, assumptions.
My husband’s diagnosis hasn’t set us back so much as it has sent us back, to the drawing board. The only thing I enjoy more than building, is designing.
All day long, our brains are processing data we’re not consciously aware of. Thinking doesn’t need the prefrontal cortex. Only conscious thought happens in the PFC.
In fact, we never know what we actually think about something until we notice what we’re feeling about it.
Learning is a high resource-consumption activity, which is why we manage our energy by making small, strategic movements in our desired direction. Even a micron of movement is measurable progress.
Do the next thing. A vision is enough to get started. No one is fully prepared for what they’ll face on the way: Marriage, parenthood, the first day on a new job, that road trip, trying a new food, walking, driving.
We learn what’s needed as we move toward the vision. You have everything you need to do the next thing.
Lunch time. I pushed my desk away and started for the cafe. The one everyone was talking about at the other end of campus that sold the cheesy, saucy personal pizza. I could smell every cardboard box that walked by me and now it was my turn.
I’d never been to this cafe. All I had were some vague directions offered by a coworker. That was good enough. A direction to head.
Every step of that six minute journey began with a lean forward that put me into small fall that my next step would catch me in. Weight shifting from left to right, as though the way forward was through a series of minor detours. Dodging people, maneuvering through crowds.
An effortless dance. No fear. Just vision and choice and action.
If margin truly is mission, then perhaps transparency is enrollment. Even a for-purpose organization needs financial surplus. How many bargaining unit leaders would become evangelists for the organization if they were confident the profit and loss statement told a story of integrity and alignment?
I was speaking to a former CNO of a Kaiser Permanente hospital. We were discussing the changes we want to see within healthcare in support of healthier workplaces, in support of professional development for nurses. We were riffing back and forth, kindred spirits playing in the same sandbox; The energy exchange was palpable.
Then I said, “Yes, we have to focus on culture change!” And she stopped. The momentum ground to a screeching halt. She looked at me with what seemed like pain in her eyes and said, “That will take too long.”
I responded with outward curiosity, but my internal dialogue was spinning with disbelief. “What do you mean, ‘too long’,” I said to myself, “Culture is the our surest strategy!”
After that moment, our conversation went in a different direction; I never got a chance to ask her directly, “What do you mean?” But I do know, this Executive Emeritus is no stranger to the long game. The keynote she just finished giving was ripe with culture-talk. She definitely wasn’t saying, “Forget the long play.” The look in her eyes haunted me.
I have a high pain tolerance. It’s easy for me to push past it and keep going. Once a quarter I feel myself getting sick and that’s my cue to take a few extra naps. I recharge and do it all over again. The habit of “pushing past” is helpful in the short term, but it’s a lousy long term strategy. It means I neglect to notice all the little pain-points that would make brilliant leverage-points for quality improvement projects.
Giving ourselves permission to feel the pain is a necessary first to clearly identifying the pain-points. It’s the foundation of strategic genius.
I walked away from that game-changing conversation with this conviction: If we can’t become adept at bringing substantive relief to the frontlines right now, we won’t survive the long game. In fact, many of us aren’t.
Facilitating change is the ultimate in delayed gratification. It’s detaching from the outcome and accepting a hundred apparent set backs. Patiently moving toward “maybe.” Understanding that getting to “yes” may be the work your grandchildren finish for you.
Some leaders focus on efficiency and make life easier in the moment. Some leaders focus on adaptation and make life easier tomorrow. Both are beautiful in their own right, and both result in compromise. Neither is innovative, collaborative, nor transformational.
Innovation happens when we look for the win-win, the way to do both at the same time. A leader that leans into this creative process cultivates the conditions for transformation.
🎯 For more on decision-making for innovation, check out Dr. Alan Barnard on YouTube.
🎁 For more on collaboration, see the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Resolution Model.
The resilience in nurses! Even when sadness or anger are visible at the surface, compassion and openness are at the beating heart. You don’t have to wait long to see a nurse go back to the drawing board and try again.
When we have responsibility without authority, when decisions about us get made without us, we lose. We lose autonomy, dignity, and belonging. Until one day it’s nothing but an endless string of losses. The waves of grief threaten to drown.
Thankfully, that’s not the end of the story.
A headwind can be used to propel forward movement using a maneuver called “tacking”. In the moment it looks as though the sailboat is being pushed off course, but in fact it’s making a calculated adjustment in service of it’s vision.
Link a series of these adjustments together and you quickly see that the ship is playing a strategic, long game. Each adjustment is oriented in a general direction that, over time, guides the ship into harbor.
We’ve seen it time and again: A small group harnesses the headwinds of culture to create culture change. It’s not an “escape fire”, just a relentless voyage toward equity, sustainability, and human flourishing.
No authority? Fine. Formal authority isn’t a prerequisite for leadership.
Whenever we speak about the yes/and, collaboration vs compromise, what we’re really talking about is polarity management. The ability to acknowledge the opposing forces that naturally exist and must both be addressed in the solution crafting.
Stability vs Flexibility
Task vs Relationship
Candor vs Diplomacy
Challenge vs Support
Decisiveness vs Thoughtfulness
Responsibility vs Freedom
Expansion vs Consolidation
Whichever side of the relationship we find ourselves on, we have an entire worldview that supports our position. If we begin entertaining ideas that move us toward the other side we begin to feel tension.
That place of tension, that’s the learning edge. And here’s why it’s important to think of it in terms of learning and not in terms of “losing yourself”, because when we talk of polarities, we’re not talking about good and bad, we’re talking about two different kinds of good. So moving toward one or the other isn’t dangerous, it’s growth. It’s our growth edge. It’s the vantage point from which we start to see with a new set of eyes and begin becoming the change we envision.
Looking for that next job opportunity, for that next step in your professional development? We get what we allow. Keep these simple rules in mind:
Prioritize the quality of the team over your interest in the specialty. Even a good organization has dysfunctional departments, and flourishing pockets of healthy collaboration with phenomenal leadership. Start asking around and you’ll find these hidden gems.
Cultivate the qualities that these teams are looking for. Expand your capacity for participating in a culture of belonging, and a culture of learning. People who are moving in the same direction tend to find each other.
Listen carefully to your gut. Throughout the interview process, watch the hiring manager for signals of humility, flexibility, and curiosity. Listen for the way they describe the culture, their philosophy of work. Absolutely everything they do and say is dripping with information about their core values.
Avoid the path that leads to burnout. Say “No” to roles that unnecessarily limit your participation in job design. Say “No” to systems that reward toxic high performers and coercive managerial tactics.
We are the culture. Every choice we make becomes part of the organizational DNA. What kind of culture do you want to see in healthcare?
Values are a general direction for life. Strategy is a theory of change for a season. Tactics are a toolbox for the moment.
Marry your values. Regularly reassess your strategy against emerging trends. Approach tactics like a pair of running shoes; throw ’em away when they wear out.
My husband has colon cancer. We got the diagnosis a few months ago. In a matter of minutes, my perfectly planned future dissolved right in front of me, and I made a hard pivot to prioritize his treatment.
I drift between two paths: joy and security. The path to security may promise me control over unacceptable levels of risk, but complexity science and lived experience tell me it’s an empty promise. The path to joy doesn’t have to be unacceptably dangerous, but it will always be risky.
You’d think I’d know by now. No matter how meticulously I assemble plans for security, I inevitably encounter something that pulls a few Jenga pieces out of my tower and leaves me teetering on the edge of overwhelm.
But here’s my real frustration: The more energy I spend avoiding risk, the more drained and less satisfied I feel. Is exhaustion and emptiness my fate?
I decline to accept emptiness and exhaustion as the end of my story.
If I could pen a new chapter for myself, how would it read? How about something like this: Acceptable levels of risk in pursuit of joy. Flexible structures. Simple rules, rooted in principles not methods. Freedom to reanalyze, recalibrate, quit a few things, change a few things, and continue moving in the direction of my most noble intentions and purest desires.
And one better. Joy right now, in pursuit of flexible structures. Joy in the dance. Joy in the becoming. That’s a story I want to live in.
There is a dangerous misconception floating around our culture. May we speak plainly? Emotion is not identity. Feeling an emotion doesn’t make you “that emotion”. A few things to remember:
A few things to remember.
Emotion is energy. It’s an electrical signal flowing through your nervous system. This means that. Energy cannot be destroyed, only converted. This means that:
The nature of energy is to move. Energy that is not properly processed gets stored and collected. There is nothing in our bodies that absorbs the energy and dissipates it for us.
When not adequately processed, an acute emotion, that would otherwise flow through and out, becomes a chronic condition. The emotion becomes a mood, and we carry that mood with us into every interaction.
Emotion is adaptive. Robert Plutchik gave us the Adaptive Theory of Emotion, which tells us that every emotion has a health-supporting purpose. Labeling an emotion as “bad” leads to avoidance, faulty communication, and unhealthy relationships.
Emotion is our native language. Humans feel first and rationalize second. Our gut will tell us what we think about something long before our prefrontal cortex can put words to it. Choosing to ignore a central feature of the human sense-making and communication system leads to decisions based on less than all the available information.There are a lot of free EQ courses out there that teach simple ways of processing emotion. Learn to make sense of the information that your emotions are trying to give you. Do it with the support of people who celebrate whole-hearted living as a sign of strength and intelligence.
There are a lot of free EQ courses out there that teach simple ways of processing emotion. Learn to make sense of the information that your emotions are trying to give you. Do it with the support of people who celebrate whole-hearted living as a sign of strength and intelligence.
Words poured out of her like a cup of water accidentally knocked over. Eyes pulled tight by worry. “I just don’t know what I should do.”
She wanted two things at the same time. Choosing between them was anathema. Yet here she was, stuck in a situation that was asking her to choose between two things that she held dear. “The thing” wasn’t a person, a job, or a home. The external situation was just an activator of the internal struggle. She was wrestling with questions of identity.
One choice would tell the entire world that she was “this kind of person”. The other choice declared something entirely different about what she stands for.
She wasn’t worried about outcomes nearly as much as she was worried about value. Her values. The meaning that she makes about her worth as a person, and the irreplaceable role she plays in this life.
What we want right now and what we want most. We can only choose one. The pain of the internal turmoil notwithstanding, I was watching a breakthrough in the making. I was watching a leader stand to her feet.
To ask the expert to dumb themselves down for the sake of someone else’s ego. Or to train our leaders for curiosity and humility?
To spend decades avoiding difficult topics that stand as obstacles to effective communication. Or to teach a concrete thinker how to cultivate a more sophisticated reasoning system.
To restrict the function of a highly trained professional for the sake of simplicity? Or to identify simple rules that support everyone for effective complexity management?
Change is tension. The world we want is just a little discomfort away, and our grandchildren are begging us to withstand it. If not for our sake, then for theirs.